Here is a piece which I did for my Social Studies Common Class Test. It actually has an essay on which we were supposed to comment on with relation to the question. However, I did not type out the essay here. Hope that you all will still be able to appreciate the essay I wrote ever though the essay this essay was supposed to be commenting on isn’t here. I included this piece, as although it is not strictly an English piece, it does touch on some of the skills necessary to write a good essay, even though the marks scheme is according to the Level OF Response Marking Scheme.
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Question: Based on the extract, what do you think should be done to remedy the ills of an economic-centered education system? Give examples to support your answer.
An economic-centered education system causes society to go into a downwards spiral as people care more for money than for society's welfare. People care more for being able to make the maximum amount of money, than for their own culture and heritage. These are some of the main points stated in the essay.
I agree with the essay that an education system which is economically centered can cause problems for society. This is a major problem which should be remedied. One of these methods to remedy the problem would be to incalculate moral values and the respect of one's heritage into the system, an idea brought forth in the essay's last paragraph. Putting emphasis on these aesthetic subjects would show students that studying is not merely about being able to get a better job in future, and bring their mindset back to the more traditional Asian mindset, that education should enrich a person's understanding of his life, and prepare him for his future. A good example of an education system which is able to incalculate values into the education system would be Singapore's. With subjects such as moral education being taught in classes and Community Involvement Projects being held, the student is taught to involve himself in the community, and to contribute to it in ways other than just economic contribution. This then helps the students to understand that education is not all about good grades, but is also about being a good citizen.
Another solution to the problem of an economic-centered education system would be to give more choices to students with regards to their course selection. This would allow them to be able to choose varied courses and hence, allow them to become better students. In other words, students would be encouraged to not only take subjects which are essential for their future, such as mathematics, and physics, but to also take up aesthetic subjects such as literature and artwork. This would then allow for a less economic-centered student to be bred, while also reducing the stranglehold the economy has on the education system. Students should also be encouraged, from young, to not only think of their future in making money, but to also think for their cultural upbringing. With more varied subject options, students would be able to take up economic-centered subjects side-by-side with aesthetic subjects, hence ensuring that he would have a more balanced education. An example of this would be Singapore's Junior College curriculum, which ensures that students must take at least one aesthetic subject, while also taking science subjects. Furthermore, Humanities scholarships are also given out to encourage more students to step away from an economic-centered mindset.
The last solution would be to increase the number of alternative programmes. Besides having the normal standard curriculum where students concentrate on economic-centered subjects with one aesthetic subject. Programmes concentrating fully on the aesthetic should also be set up and promoted, allowing students of greater ability to participate in them, hence giving them more choices and also stepping away from the economic-centered education system. In this respect, good examples for this would mostly be Western Countries like Britain and France, where there are sufficient provisions for such alternative education courses. Singapore has begun to move in this direction, but still is unable to be compared to them, since the amount of work being done is still insufficient.
Therefore, the three solutions to remedy the problem would be to incalculate moral education into the education system, to have a wider range of subject combinations, and to have an alternative education system.
Marks: 11/12
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In terms of being a good essay, I think that the marks given for this essay truly reflect what I feel about having done for this essay. The essay is a rather good one, with a good organization. While this essay would probably not grade as well for having a thesis statement, I still feel that it is a rather good essay. The requirements for this essay were different from that of a normal English argumentative essay and hence, the thesis statement was not present in as visible a form. The best part of this essay, I feel, is the way that the language was able to flow. There were few, or rather, no grammatical errors that I could find, and the fact that I did manage to proof-read this essay before handing it in, testifies to the importance of proof-reading your essays.
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This is an essay which i wrote based on the topic of apathy. Sadly, i have lost the original question already, or i would have been able to put it here. I hope that you all will have fun reading it.
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I agree that human apathy does provide a conducive breeding ground for crime. Human apathy is when you are indifferent towards the suffering of those around you. Furthermore, human apathy is also a lack of enthusiasm towards solving social problems. Such problems include being indifferent towards a culture of crime, a lack of government aid being administered in the event of a crisis, and a lack of intervention from those who are able to help.
Human apathy is a basic component of human nature, and it is practiced to an extent by almost everyone. The neighbour of a drunkard may choose to remain indifferent to the savage beatings the drunkard administers to his son. This then causes the son to develop the feelings of animosity towards his father, the drunkard, until ultimately, he breaks the shackles of fear for his abusive parent and retaliates, hence starting down the path of crime. This then is a very vivid example of how human apathy can create a conducive breeding ground for crime. Simply because the neighbour failed to step in and stop the drunkard from abusing his child, that child grew up in the conducive breeding ground for crime, which had been created. He later retaliated in the only way he knew how to. By using force against force, injuring or even killing his father, and ultimately landing himself in jail. From this therefore, we can see how indifference towards this child's suffering, created the breeding ground which later ended in his criminal act of hitting out at his father. Perhaps if that neighbour had intervened, the drunk's child would not have gone down the path of crime.
This example only shows what happens on the microcosmic scale. On the macrocosmic scale, human apathy has far greater effects, with even more far-reaching consequences for those who are suffering. Firstly, on the governmental level. The indifference of the government towards the suffering of those in their charge can cause a huge breeding ground for crime to be created. In Indonesia, there are thousands of children living in the streets without a roof over their heads. Known as "street-kids", they are not helped by the government simply because they are not recognized as Indonesian citizens. With such human apathy being practiced on a large scale, these children are placed in an ideal breeding ground for crime. Indeed, many of them eventually turn to crime, as they have no other method of fending for themselves. Hence from this example, we can see exactly how these "street-kids" actually turn to crime, creating a culture of crime amongst themselves, simply because the government turned a blind eye to their suffering.
Of course to say that these "street-kids" are not receiving any help at all would be unfair. Any number of welfare organizations are actively attempting to alleviate the suffering of these "street-kids". However, it does not change the fact that due to the apathy of the government, a conducive breeding ground for crime has been created in the streets of many Indonesian cities. The fact that human apathy stemming from indifference and disgust of Indonesian citizens towards these "street-children" does not help to alleviate the suffering of these "street-kids", thereby increasing the problems faced by these "street-kids".
Finally, on the international level, we can also see how human apathy practiced by such international organizations has actually also caused conducive breeding grounds for crime. Looking at the recent example of Rwanda, we can see clearly how this has happened. In Rwanda, the Tutsies were massacred by the Hutus. Instead of actively stepping in to help out, the United Nations showed only a small amount of enthusiasm in doing so, sending in only a few peace-keeping forces to help control the situation. Not only did they fail in protecting the government, they also stood by and watched as large numbers of Tutsies were massacred before their eyes. From this, therefore, we can see exactly how the indifference of the United Nations contributed directly to allowing the situation in Rwanda to continue. Worse, a conducive breeding ground for crime had been created as Tutsies attempting to escape the Hutus bribed their way out the situation, while the Hutus murdered and looted at will. This also shows how with a conducive breeding ground for crime, coupled with a lack of intervention, deterrence and consequences can lead to criminal acts being practiced at will.
In conclusion, I agree to a large extent that human apathy provides a conducive breeding ground for crime. The three examples shown in the essay above all provide a comprehensive survey of exactly how, due to the human apathy practiced by individuals, the government, and even international organizations, has caused a conducive breeding ground to be created. The essay above also shows how this conducive breeding ground has also allowed a culture of crime to eventually be created, all of which shows how human apathy has merely led to a conducive breeding ground for crime being created.
Grades: 25/30
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Graded by Tan Xue Yang
1. Does not provide a brief introduction to opposing arguments, but it does assert an arguable position and brief elaboration on the arguments used. (4 marks)
2. Good use of varied examples from Indonesian “street children” to the Rwanda genocide; well-elaborated and structured; logical and connected smoothly in a manner leading to the conclusion. However, it is slightly repetitive at points, perhaps overstating the point sometimes with too much elaboration. (9 marks)
3. A slight attempt at acknowledging the brighter side of the situation of Indonesian “street-children”. (1 marks)
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Firstly, I would like to state that the marks shown in this essay are inaccurate. Despite the fact that i seem to have done rather well, which in my opinion is a fact, the grades here are actually only based on content. Therefore, they do not reflect other components of English essay writing such as the use of language.
This essay is probably the first essay which I am rather satisfied with this year. This goes beyond just merely the marks themselves. The essay was rather well-organised, and there were few or no grammatical and vocabulary errors. Therefore, I feel that I have greatly improved since my last essay. One problem which has occured in this essay would be that of counter arguements. I did not use sufficient counter arguements in this essay. This is something that I feel I could definitely work on. Counter arguements are an important part of arguementative essay writing and since i feel comfortable with working on arguementative writing, working on my counter arguements and rebuttals is definitely something which i could work on.
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This is an essay which was done in association with the song Pride (In The Name Of Love) by U2. The song itself is one which is very touching and speaks of the death of Martin Luther King Jr. Below is the essay itself.
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Question:
In today's society, most of our information is obtained through the mass media. With the need for speed apparent in today's society, the mass media, and the medium through which it is spread, have become indispensable in our everyday lives. Everyone, from the lowliest worker to the busy executive in his office depends on the mass media to transmit information for him to be able to carry out his duties. However, with this mass need for information, the public often takes for granted that the information shown by the mass media is accurate and unbiased. This gives the mass media a lot of power, as most people will believe what they see on the television; hear over the radio, read in the newspapers, as true. Sadly, this is not always the fact of life.
Through the ability of the mass media to be almost everywhere, it is able to make its message all pervasive, causing one to be unable to ignore what is reported. This has allowed the mass media to become a weapon in the hands of many unscrupulous people all over the world. The mass media can misrepresent at will, with most people not even noticing the effect until it is already too late. This can be damaging and can cause harm to both the person misrepresented, and to also the people reading about it. Even if the person is able to recognize the fact that the media is attempting to subtly influence and convert him, the mass media is still able to influence him at the subconscious level, using their weapon of slow, subconscious conversion to turn that person over to their cause.
Nowhere else is the power of the media more clearly seen than in nations with oppressive, dictatorial regimes. Using the media as their tool, such governments slowly turn the people's mindsets over to their cause, brainwashing the masses until they are unable to do anything but believe in the lies which are told to them by the media. This is especially effective since such governments often employ other methods of suppression to ensure that the masses do not have any access to information which contradicts the government's version of world events. A good example of this would Russia when she was under Communist rule. Using the media as the government's tool, the communist government succeeded in ensuring that the people remained suppressed and under their control for almost half a century. It was only until the government decided to relax their control of the media that the people finally saw that they had been systematically brain-washed by the government using the mass media as its tool. From this example, therefore, we can see exactly how the mass media can be a tool in the hands of oppressive regimes seeking to safeguard their power over the people.
Also the power of the media can also be seen from massive racial discrimination. Again, as a weapon in the hands of oppressors, the media subconsciously influences the majority of the public, turning them over to its cause, and thereby ensuring that the media's message is spread. As early as during World War Two, people all over the world have used the media for their own evil purposes. During World War Two, Hitler used the German mass media to influence the people into turning against their Jewish neighbors, blaming them for the string of failures which the German Government had been running into. This climaxed in the deporting of Jews to concentrations and ended with most of them being gassed to death. A more recent example would be the Hutus' massacre of Tootsies in Rwanda. There, the mass media was also used to turn the Hutus over to the cause, so as to ensure the success of the massacre which killed countless thousands. From this, again, we can see how the mass media can be used as a weapon to influence the people, turning them to a cause and even against people whom, a day before, they had been calling neighbors. It also shows the power of the mass media, which can reach into the hearts of people and twist them to evil.
The mass media can also be used as a weapon to spread damaging rumors about people or even about rival companies. This can cause the collapse of a company. Such rumors may be circulated to the mass media. The mass media reports this, thereby putting the company's reputation in question. The banks may then decide to recall that company's loans. With insufficient funds to pay off the company's debts, the company may go bust, thereby resulting in many people going out of job. From this, we can again see the mass media's power in deciding the fate of not only one person, but also that of an entire company of more than a hundred people.
Another way the mass media can be used as a weapon would be to glorify a person or a product. While this is not as evil, it is still nevertheless a method of using the mass media as a weapon. By glorifying the mass media, a person can be made to seem as the right choice during elections. It can also make a product more effective than other products of the same make, even though all the products may be similar to one another. This then encourages more and more people to buy that product. In the end, the company makes a large profit. In this case, the mass media is being used as a weapon to influence the mindsets of the people to buy the product, allowing the company manufacturing the product to buy it.
Also the mass media can be used to glorify a person, most often a politician who is about to stand for election. Through use of the mass media, this person is made to seem better than his opponents. Therefore, the people then vote for him during the elections as he seems to be the better choice. This has had many sinister consequences in history. Hitler came to power in Germany because he managed to gain a handle on the hearts of the German people through effective use of the mass media. This ultimately led to Germany starting World War Two. From this again, we can see how the mass media can be used as a weapon to win the hearts of the people and therefore, turn them to a cause.
Of course, the fact remains that not all uses of the mass media are bad. Without the mass media, we would not be able to run our businesses efficiently with as little hiccups as possible. Without the mass media, businesses would have to run at a retarded rate and globalization would be impossible as everyone would have to return to writing letters to one another just to keep in touch with each other. Therefore, as we can see from the above, the mass media still has many benefits. The mass media is incredibly powerful and because of this, we should always be wary of its uses and what it is reporting. We should take whatever is being reported always with a pinch of salt, as if we are not careful, the media could be a weapon being used by a sinister figure which is attempting to lead us down the road of disaster, war and discrimination.
Grades: 24/30
:::InSight:::
I feel that this essay is definitely a rather good piece of work. It was done under rather harsh conditions, as I seem to recall having to do this piece of work, while also attempting to handle some other assignments at the same time.
However, sad to say that while my marks may have improved, I have sadly failed in fulfilling some of the goals which I set in my previous essay reflection. This can be seen from the fact that I did not really proof-read the essay. Rather, any proof-reading I actually did was mostly slip-shod and hence, my marks suffered to some extent. Another problem is that the essay deviated from the question by a bit. The original question was focused on the word 'weapon'. However, by reading my essay, you will notice that there are only a few mentions of the word 'weapon', with most of the emphasis being placed on the word 'tool'. Therefore, I think here I would like to set another goal. To be able to better read the questions in an essay by my next essay.
A bright point about this entire essay would be the fact that I have actually succeeded in organizing my points to a greater degree. The points in this essay were rather well-organized, and allow the reader to be able to read the content without much difficulty. Therefore, while this essay my not have progressed in some of my other goals, I feel that I have made some progress, however little. We shall just have to see what will happen in the next essay when it comes up to determine if I have really improved, or if it is just merely a short passing phrase.
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Here is an essay which i did over the course of the 2004-2005 End of Year Holidays. I feel that it is a reasonably good piece of work, although the fact still remains that it could have been better and there is a large amount of room for improvement
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Question 3: Is competition good for us? Is there an alternative? (1200 – 1500)
Competition is the betterment of ourselves whilst we compare ourselves against another also attempting to achieve the same goal. It can come in all aspects of our lives and it is constantly taking place. Competition is a natural response every living thing employs in response to its surroundings. In today's modern society, competition has become an even greater part of our lives, spurring men of our society on to do things which either brings greater glory or causes widespread harm.
Competition can bring about both good and bad results. Competition is a double edged sword, which can help us as well as also harm us. While competition may promote growth, competition taken to extremes can cause stagnation and degeneration.
Competition can help us improve ourselves. In our everyday lives, competition stirs us to attain better results than what we usually would. In competition, both we and our competitors progress and develop. It is this constant improvement that gives rise to the fact that competition is always intense. Those who cannot keep up are left behind. This harsh fact spurs us on to stay ahead of the rest of our competitors, keeping ourselves ahead of the pack to attain the goal towards which we had been progressing towards. In nature, there is often competition for food. This has led to the development of many of the most impressive predators which are able to inspire fear and yet also respect for the evolution which came about as a result of natural competition. In today's society, competition can be seen clearly from many aspects of our lives. Even young children compete. Siblings compete for their parents' attention. Students in school compete to achieve better results than their peers. This spurs them on to achieve better grades in their exams and therefore, allows them to be able to become better thinkers.
In today's world of economics and politics, competition has already seen the rise and fall of many people. It has seen the creation of millionaires, but it has also seen the utter destruction of millionaires. Businessmen compete amongst themselves to earn more money, thereby allowing them to better their lives and social status. This has allowed for the creation of business empires which supply people with their everyday necessities and other needed utilities to live the life of the modern man. Politicians also compete amongst themselves for places in the government so as to allow them to be able to gain better positions in shaping and ordering the lives of others. This has led to the creation of many governments which have been able to allow for the people in the country to live out their lives in peace and harmony. Athletes also compete amongst themselves to become better and gain prestige for themselves. This has led to the constant breaking of old records at sports events and the immortalizing of such athletes as role models for the world to follow, even as these athletes continue to live their dreams.
Furthermore, it is only as a result of competition that there have been so many inventions which have allowed ourselves to understand not only our surroundings, but also allow us to better and more comfortable lives. Scientists constantly compete amongst themselves to come up with even more ideas to improve the lives of men and allow them to live better contented and happier.
However, the concept of competition is not exactly a bed of roses. As with any other concept, competition has both its good and its bad points. Excessive competition can lead to stagnation. Even in nature, excessive competition has already reared its ugly head, showing the devastating effects it can bring. Through excessive competition, animals find that they are unable to continue on to develop and become better. This prevents them from progressing. Plants in a constant cycle of competition find that they are unable to grow as they constantly fight with each other to obtain sufficient nutrients to grow and keep themselves healthy.
Excessive competition also can cause many untoward side effects. This rises from the fact that through excessive competition, sentient beings begin to employ any methods they can bring to bear to achieve their goals. Businessmen may embezzle, cheat and steal, in their bid to stay ahead of the rest of their competitors. This causes the degeneration of society as these people use any methods necessary to achieve their goals, often using underhand methods to prevent their competitors from getting too close to them. Similarly, government officials and politicians may perform other criminal acts to allow them to stay ahead. They may misappropriate government funds and perform other acts of treachery, backstabbing and slandering in their rise to power. Athletes often are victims of excessive competition. They may take performance enhancing drugs to enhance their performance in the sports arena, allowing them to be able to showcase better performances which thereby allow them to beat their fellow competitors.
Most notably perhaps would be excessive competition between nations which would then cause them to take drastic actions, actions which often lead to open war. During World War 2, Germany, as a result of excessive competition between her and the other major European powers, began the conquering of neighboring states in her bid for global domination. This then sparked off World War 2 which ultimately led to the slaughter of many soldiers and civilians.
While in normal competition, there are often losers and winners, in excessive competition, such endings are often more pronounced, with even more devastating results for the losers. As a result of such intense competition, the losers often lose everything they have, sometimes even their lives. In the natural world, the result of excessive competition would lead to the loss of everything, even the life of the loser. In the business world, and in the political world, the losers often lose their reputation, careers, sometimes even their families and homes. As a result of this, they lose their livelihood and most spend the rest of their days attempting to eke out the rest of their wretched existence. In the sporting arena, the losers may get pulled out from their sporting teams, thereby losing their only means of earning money. In fact, in today's world, more and more people are the victims of excessive competition as more and more people demand only the absolute best.
Alternatives to competition do exist. However, these alternatives often do not bring about the rapid growth and improvement which competition can bring about. Cooperation is one such alternative. Through cooperation, we can learn from each other and therefore also improve ourselves. However, as with competition, cooperation cannot be taken to the extreme. Through extreme cooperation, there will cease to be a need to learn from each other as we find that there is no longer a need to do so. Competition creates a need to constantly stay ahead of the pack. Through extreme cooperation, the need to stay ahead of the pack will then have been removed. Therefore, we will then find that we would rather stagnate ourselves rather than cooperate and improve ourselves. In today's dog-eat-dog world of business and politics, many would rather go for the zero-sum choice of excessive competition rather than consider other methods. In fact, many would rather compete to the death rather than consider the benefits that cooperation with each other could bring.
Therefore, to sum up, there are many alternatives to competition. These alternatives can all be readily found in nature and they include mutualism and parasitism. However, as with competition, they are all double-edged swords which can harm as readily as they can help one. In fact, there is no absolute alternative to competition. Without competition, society will simply be unable to progress as many will lose sight of their life-goals and give up chasing these goals. Similarly, without the alternatives, society will dissolve into a rabble which is constantly biting at each other's heels in an endless cycle of excessive competition. Therefore, while there are alternatives to competition, such alternatives, especially the alternative of cooperation should be used hand in hand with competition, and not in place of it.
Grades: 22/30
:::InSight:::
I feel that this essay is definitely not one of my better pieces. While I managed to get a reasonably high mark for it, I distinctively remember that writing it was somewhat of a pain. I could not get my thoughts into order, and I kept wandering off with my thoughts. This is a rather worrying part of writing the entire essay, as I am usually a person who is very focused in my work. However, I guess that the result is still rather satisfactory, as the marks I got for this essay are acceptable.
The main problem which I encountered in the final product was the fact that the essay appeared to have several grammatical errors in them. This is especially worrying and I feel that this reflects my lack of proof-reading after I have finished with an essay. I usually neglect the need for proof-reading, believing that I should have no mistakes in expressions and grammar. However, this is evidently not the case, as can be clearly seen from the example of this piece.
Finally, I feel that this essay could also have its organization improved by a lot. When I write, I tend to just write down whatever comes to mind. This is probably good in most cases. However, it is when I am writing that this becomes more of an impediment to my progress. So, for future pieces, I hope to be able to have better organization, and of course, proof read my essays better in future.
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